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Sometimes it can be difficult to tell if you're really over someone. Her tip? Even if the answer is no, these feelings can still arise — even when you begin dating again.
House explains that sometimes, missing your ex can sneak up on you when you're already with someone else. But not so fast, says psychologist Dr. The first thing you should remember?
Are you still thinking about them because you wish you were still together? Were you just together for so long that thinking about them is a habit? Or are you still angry about how the relationship ended? There are endless reasons they might be knocking around upstairs, so take some time to figure out where those thoughts are coming from so you can address them and move onsays House.
While looking back on old memories is natural, constantly thinking about your ex — even if you hate them — can be a that you're not over them or the relationshipsays April Masinia New York-based relationship expert and author. After all, the opposite of love isn't hate: It's indifference.
That will come down to the way you're still feeling about your ex and the past relationship, and how your current partner feels about this. It's one thing for you to think that you're ready to move on, but it takes two to tango — and your partner might not agree.
Plus, there's a difference between being over one person and being ready to be with another. It may be that you and your partner decide that your feelings still mean you can be in a relationship.
If the issue is that you're still feeling hurt or angry at your ex and can't stop thinking about that, your partner may understand — or even have been through the same thing. It might be that you can work through your issues together and help each other. But, if the reason you're still thinking about your ex is that you still have strong feelings for them — and you're basically using your new partner as a placeholder — that's not fair. It may be time to consider ending it.
Knowing whether or not you're over your ex isn't easy, especially when you're already with someone else. If they suddenly pop into your mind again, try not to panic. Just think seriously about why they're still relevant in your life and talk to your partner about those feelings. You may not be ready for this new relationship or you may still be hurt and have to find new ways to work through it.
Either way, your best bet is to be honest about how you're feeling. Once you know how you feel about your ex, you should have a conversation with your partner. You don't want to open up a serious talk if you're not sure where you stand, but as soon as you become sure then it's only fair to them to bring it up and talk about it.
Whether it's "I'm really struggling to let go of my anger toward my ex," "I'm not sure I've really moved on," or "I'm not sure I've really moved on, but I want to," your partner deserves to know. It's also important to try to talk to them with a game plan in mind — or at least a plan to make a game plan. When you talk to them, come up with a path forward that works for both of you.
If you are still talking to your ex, you may want to take a step back, at least for a while. You also may want to consider counseling or being more open with your current partner about your past relationship. Sometimes, a professional can help give you a new perspective or allow you to process feelings that you're having problems moving past.
Either way, come up with a strategy together. After all, your exes are your reference point for relationship experience. Notice when thoughts comparing your current partner to your ex go from being passive where the thoughts just come up to active where you're trying to puzzle through how the relationships stack up to one another.
Breaking the habit of comparing your relationships can help you better focus on your present partner, he explains. Why dwell on the past when you could live in the present? The saying holds true when it comes to relationships, says Greene.
To help, he recommends spending time actively considering what you like about your existing partnership. Understanding exactly why your current partner makes you happy can help you feel more present in the relationship without constantly referring back to your ex. Laurel Housedating and breakup Coach. April MasiniNew York-based relationship expert and author. This article was originally published on March 21, Updated: May 20, Originally Published: March 21,In a relationship but still looking
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What to do if you’re in a relationship but you’re attracted to someone else, according to experts